Boutique 'n Boys
by Chautona of Chautona's Couture
The day has arrived. Her husband is nervous and zipping along the highway. She is in the passenger seat doing her best to break the door handle while 'breathing' through each 'mild' contraction. She smiles between contractions and says, "Kaitrin will be here soon!" By the time the word 'soon' escapes her lips, her smile has contorted into a grimace and deep breathing sounds emit at the end to make the word sound like a monsoon
She glows with pride as the nurse fusses over her chic boutique diaper bag. Her husband looks at his watch, trying to decide if he should lower the credit limit on another credit card or if it isn't worth the risk of impending labor doom. He errs on the side of caution and beams proudly at his wife forcing the panic out of his eyes when he hears, "OH the designer of this bag is just a genius with fabric. I'm bidding on three of her bags and I hope I go home to 'Congratulations' letters for all three!"
Hubby knows what that 'congratulations' means. To a boutique mama, it signifies a conquest! She has triumphed! It might as well read, "Congratulations, you have won the lottery!" To hubby dear, it reads, "Congratulations, you are four steps nearer the poor house and have won a glorified yard of fabric and thread for the low price of your IRA and your firstborn's right arm." "It's not even tax-deductible," he mutters under his breath."
Labor picks up. All thoughts of reasonable expenditure exits hubby's brain (and he's convince it wasn't ever in his wife's brain) as the nurses swiftly prepare his wife for the big moment! Emotion kicks in. As he's cheering her on, "You can do it honey" he pictures his sweet little daughter held in her mother's arms and wearing the delicate day gowns she's purchased. That is a new word in his boutique vocabulary. Just when he thought he'd learned them all, his wife came up with new items for his brain to translate into every day English.
The baby makes it's final arrival! Mom pushes… dad tries not to scream with her as she jerks his thumb backwards in positions it was never intended to occupy. "It's a boy!"
A confused look crosses mom's face. "A boy? REALLY?? I thought you said… oh isn't he precious…"
Her husband looks proudly at his son. Visions of bicycles, toy trucks, and ball games flood his mind. He imagines his little T-ball playing boy winning the baby league's pennant and stretching it… His eyes open wide. The baby's room! It's pink and yellow and some awful green color. He can't remember the names of the colors… something about them remind him of fruit salad… his son has a PINK ROOM! His mind's eye skittles across the miles of pink, the polka dots, the rows of trendy diaper bags and the special drawer FULL of headbands to decorate his… SONS?… little head!
Completely out of his mind, this father makes a drastic move. He dashes to the diaper bag, pulls a bow band the size of his infant son's head out of the depths of pink frills and dashes out of the room. He nearly topples a proud man carrying pink bubblegum cigars. The man, in sheer excitement, offers one to our panicking husband. In exchange, our husband offers the not-so-little bow band to the bemused father. He doesn't move three steps before turning back and snatching the bow from the now alarmed yet still proud papa of a baby girl. "Trust me, you don't want this." The wary papa watches as our husband dashes to a bin marked 'bio-hazardous waste' and ceremoniously drops it in with a visible sigh of relief.
Our husband passes the clueless father on his way back to his wife. The father scratches his head in wonder and exclaims to no one in particular, "What a sexist man! Girls are WONDERFUL. His poor wife."
About the author:
" Of course, Chautona's Couture couldn't exist without the support, encouragement, and enthusiasm of my family. I am the wife of Kevin, and the mother of nine incredible children. I am always amazed when I look across the studio my husband has so sacrificially worked to provide me and see my sons wrestling on the floor, or my little girls dreaming up outfits from the bolts on the shelves, or my older girls pulling out patterns to create their own exciting outfits. Seeing our little Rosy Lorna learning to sit, crawl, and grow into her own little self in this room is a sheer delight!"
Read more articles by Chautona:
Leave a comment:
Amy Vaughn, Woopsy-Daisy | Wednesday, January 10, 2007 8:22 PM | flag
I had the same experience....had the boutique diaper tote full of girly things, pink room, dreaming up the first boutique outfit to put her in....then I heard "it's a boy!!"
Kaenna | Thursday, November 9, 2006 7:32 AM | flag
| Wednesday, November 1, 2006 9:57 AM | flag
thanks you gave me a much needed giggle. The funny thing is that it is all true! Mona
| Saturday, March 11, 2006 5:03 AM | flag
You are such a talented writer!!!! I LOVE reading your articles!!! Lezlie :) little*squirt
| Monday, March 6, 2006 6:00 PM | flag
Enjoyed tremendously. Now I know ebay has everything. And ebay's childrens boutique has it and its called Chautona - the funniest insightful boutique writer of all. Love it!
| Monday, March 6, 2006 11:32 AM | flag
So funny! You are a talented writer!